Today, while trawling through Ash's porn stockade which seems to be uploaded on to his website, we happened upon some erotic superhero literature written by Ashley himself in his formative years. Well, year. It was short but dramatic. Anyway, myself, Skoo and Ash took it upon ourselves to delve into this time capsule of smut and see how realistic the superpowers contained within actually are.

 

You can read Ash's original story here

 

And so, on with the show

 

 

<skoo> A penis that can pick locks?

 

<ash> Yes.

 

<skoo> Not as handy as a penis that can pick your nose.

 

<moog> I, for one, do not want this power.

 

<ash> Backed up by ginger pubes I believe.

 

<skoo> NO.

 

<skoo> That’s not a super power, that’s a curse.

 

<moog> Being ginger is not a curse.

 

<skoo> Moog is ginger.

 

<skoo> hehehehe.

 

<moog> Get fucked.

 

<moog> Actually I am in the beard a bit.

 

<moog> A bit 'Edmonds' you might say.

 

<skoo> Chris Evans.

 

<moog> Not that bad.

 

<skoo> Do you call it "Auburn" in an attempt to disguise the ginge?

 

<ash> Isn't that a place?

 

<moog> Bless.

 

<ash> If I were the receiver in a relationship I would want the giver to have this super power.

 

<moog> Ah.

 

<moog> No.

 

<moog> Wrong choice Ashley.

 

<moog> Anything less than four inches is agony.

 

<moog> Tiny penis = no bumsex

 

<skoo> Can’t breach the curvature of the buttock area?

 

<moog> It can't go up far enou--look I think this may be getting a little in depth.

 

<moog> Or not enough, as the case may be.

 

<skoo> I've not really given it much thought before, because my penis is huge like a mountain, but penis shaped.

 

<moog> Is it as wide at the base?

 

<skoo> There is girth, but not only at the base.

 

<skoo> Lets not talk about my penis anymore, next super power please.

 

<moog> Your penis is beginning to terrify me.

 

<moog> Ok next: